


Lampshading

by starrylitme



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Dinner, Double Dating, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Mild Language, Suggestive Themes, Whee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Sans is her friend.
And, surprisingly, as her friend, Sans does want to make her life a little brighter.
(Said life must be in a pretty dire state to make someone like him worry.)
 
(In which Sans invites Alphys and Undyne to a fancy dinner with him and his brother, only for Papyrus to get sick. So Sans gets a date instead and makes the whole thing a double date. It's for Alphys's sake, really.)





	Lampshading

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to finish this a week ago for the Alphys/Sans day on the seventh for Undertale Shipping Month but... I finished it on Undertale's Anniversary instead. It's nothing grand or large-scale, but I'm pretty happy with it all the same. If it's one thing I really appreciate in Undertale besides the family relationships, it's the friendships you make and observe along the way. It...really makes me happy.
> 
> So, I hope you enjoy this little friendshippy story with a side of romance. =w=
> 
> And I'll probably love Undertale for another year if not longer. With Sugarless, I'll probably be deeply invested for a...while, at least. :'D

Honestly, the situation had been unbelievable to start with.

“He’s sick.”

“H-He can’t be sick,” she stammers, disbelieving. “Papyrus doesn’t get s- _sick_!!”

“He’s sick,” Sans repeats, bluntly without even a hint of humor. He doesn’t even sound like he’s smiling on the other line—so, dammit, that meant he was actually being _serious_. Oh no. “I don’t know how—or why, but he’s running a fever, Alph. He’s not going to the dinner.”

“B-But! But!”

“But nothing,” Sans cuts her off point-blank. That sternness in his tone was enough to get her dutifully quiet. Sans couldn’t have been that much older than her, but in that moment, it certainly _felt_... “He’s not going. Sorry, Alphys.” She almost hears the shrug in his sigh, at least. “Maybe he can go some other time?”

“S-So the plans are off, huh?” she hears herself asking, distantly and blankly. “W-Well, okay... I-I mean... If Papyrus is sick... He should...be r-resting up... I understand...”

“Well,” Sans says, and he whistles. “I can easily get another date, if that’s alright with you and ‘dyne.”

“... _Really_?”

Honestly, that should have stuck her as a lot stranger than it initially did.

“Sure. Is that alright, Alph? I promise they won’t be any trouble. And it won’t be too awkward. Probably.”

“D-Do I know this date?” she wonders. “Oh... Oh lord, it’s not _Mettaton_ , is it?”

“Huh? No?” Sans sounded genuinely confused. “I mean—I’m sure he’d love to go but that’d probably make things worse between you and Undyne, so like, I don’t think...”

“I-Is it one of your drinking buddies, then?” Alphys asks, getting just a bit more hysterical. “B-Because I _swear_ , Sans, I’m s-sure they’re perfectly n-nice people, b-but...”

“Nah, no one like that.” A pause. Sans hums, considering. “Well... Probably not.”

“Urgh...” She groans, rubbing at the bridge of her snout, pushing up her glasses. Annoyingly, she whines, “ _Sans_...”

“Hey,” he says, defensively. “I’m like, 96% sure that it’ll be fine. Sentry’s honor. If you want to just cancel your plans and put off the opportunity of getting to know Undyne a bit better without getting all nervous because you’re on your own...”

“N- _NO_!” Alphys nearly screams. Then, she swallows, quieting a bit. “I-I mean...” She sighs. “Okay. I-I’ll trust you, Sans. Please... Please don’t make this weirder than it is already.”

“I may not be like, besties with her like Paps is, but Undyne and I are still _friends_ , Al,” Sans reminds her, and he chuckles. “We’re pals too, so I’m sure it’ll all be fiiiiine.”

“Okay,” Alphys says, and repeats it because she’s anything but sure, “O-Okay.”

“It’s a date, then.” There’s an audible wink. “Later, _Alligator_.”

Alphys does groan as he hangs up, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t smiling.

Sans was, unfortunately, quite good at that.

* * *

Sans was a good friend. His remarkable level of calm and patience helped significantly in that regard. She, definitely, appreciated his presence more often than not, even if he sometimes dragged his feet with an infuriatingly at ease shrug.

Sans was a good guy. A strange guy who once taste-tested various brands of dog food before giving Alphys his recommendation on which to buy—but a good guy nonetheless. An admittedly popular and well-liked guy, which had been overwhelming with Mettaton, but...

(Mettaton was also, literally, high-maintenance when Sans...wasn’t. Figuratively or literally.)

Sans liked a low profile. Sans was also an easy guy to talk to and, in spite of everything, easy to rely on. He didn’t ask a lot of questions, and he didn’t make a lot of judgements. He shrugged most things off with a smile that never seemed to drop.

Alphys may have trusted him a little too much for her own good—but she’s also sure she takes advantage of his patience and easygoing nature more often than not. If there’s anyone to completely drop her filter around, it’s Sans.

But Sans is also her friend.

And, surprisingly, as her friend, Sans does want to make her life a little brighter.

(Said life must be in a pretty dire state to make someone like him worry.)

So when he invited her to dinner with him, his brother, and his brother’s best friend—Undyne, her best friend and also her biggest crush... She’s sure she panicked. She did, in fact, panic. She also learned that one of the many, many miscellaneous things Sans keeps on his person was an inhaler.

She’s not sure how he managed to get her to agree, considering her nerves, but she reasoned that with both skeleton brothers there, it wouldn’t be too awkward. Or, well, a date.

...Except Papyrus, who had enough energy to keep up with Undyne, got sick. All planets aligned, the surface can see a blue moon, and somehow, Papyrus got _sick_.

So Sans got a ‘date’.

Which made the dinner a double-date.

...Kind of.

She was still going to dress extra nice. Because, it was still a formal dinner if nothing else. And Undyne.

...Undyne.

_Oh, Sans, what have you gotten me into?_

* * *

“Alphys!”

“U-Undyne.”

She...is not surprised that by the time she arrived, Undyne was there but Sans was not. Undyne was always perfectly punctual.

Undyne also had a perfect grin, especially when greeting her. Said grin didn’t falter even when her returning the gesture was...considerably less spirited.

“You look...!” Undyne paused, for a moment, looking her up and down, making her shrink into herself. But at least Undyne followed that up with a thumbs-up. “Nice...!”

“T-Thank you...?” She quickly averted her gaze. From what she could tell, Undyne wasn’t exactly looking at her anymore either. She was just, looking awkwardly off somewhere, rubbing at the nape of her neck, chewing on her lip.

There was a heavy, far too long silence that followed.

“So...” Undyne started.

“S-So...” Alphys followed.

“Uh, so how’s about that weather— _WEATHERED DOWN LAB_?”

“W-Weathered down?” she repeated.

“I-It means _WORN_. Because, ngh, you know... That lab is like...hella old?” Undyne gestured a bit helplessly. She looked really tense—like any moment now she’d snap and wreck something for the sake of finding relief. Alphys didn’t necessarily mind fulfilling that function—if there was any way to die, that’d be the way—but she still found it worrying. “I mean. How is the lab, Al? Still kind of a wreck? Still loud with that nutcase rolling around?”

“O-Oh, uh, yeah... Yeah...” She nods distantly. “T-Though, really, M-Mettaton keeps trying to get me a cleaner because he’s sick of looking at the messes... But I-I’ll just...mess things up again so I don’t, uh, bother...”

“Papyrus is a neat freak and would probably be really happy to help you in that regard,” Undyne said, folding her arms. “He surely won’t mind, I mean—you can’t be worse than Sans.”

“Hehe, you’d be surprised... I’m just a bit of a mess in general...” she muttered, dropping her head and staring down at the ground. “I’m a real... _hot_ mess...”

“Damn straight,” Undyne agreed but ended up coughing as Alphys winced. Flinching, she added, “B-Because, y’know! Y-You live in _Hotland_!” She immediately groaned, pressing her hand to her face. “Oh my GOD, Sans better get here soon.”

Alphys couldn’t help but laugh at that...

“Sup? Hitting it off, I see.”

And, of course, that was as good of a time as any.

“ABOUT _DAMN TIME_ , SANS!!” Undyne boomed, fuming. “Do you have any idea how LONG we’ve been waiting?!”

“About,” Sans checks his watch-less wrist. “Tweeeenty minutes? Fifteen? Maybe? Am I close?”

“Try THIRTY you ASS. Y’know, it’s bad enough when that bag of bolts spreads the LIE that lateness is fashionable— ** _IT REALLY ISN’T_** —but it’s just in poor taste to be late to a gathering YOU set up! How on earth was your date even—?!” Undyne paused, not to take a breath but to take in San’s ‘date’. San’s date, who he had a fond arm wrapped around with the widest, easiest grin. Alphys, too, could only stare, as Undyne stated, in the flattest tone possible, “That’s a lamp.”

“T-There’s also still that flashlight where the lightbulb is supposed to go,” Alphys supplies, helpfully.

“Jeez, Al, they’re _sensitive_ about that,” Sans chides her, patting the lamp’s shade with a gentle shush.

“That’s a _lamp_ ,” Undyne repeats.

“And this is Sans. Lamp’s date. Heya.” Sans waved at them both, with that ever carefree chuckle of his. “So, uh, we up for grub or what? You do understand how difficult it is to get seats here, right? I couldn’t even get us all silverware.”

“Oh my god, that’s a **_LAMP_** , Sans.”

“Undyne, please,” Sans says, pressing a hand to his cheek and feigning embarrassment. “You’re making us so _self-conscious_.”

Undyne opened her mouth to say something—probably to reiterate the presence of Lamp, so Alphys just stops her quickly.

“S-So food! _Food_! I’m like, so starving right now! L-Let’s get some food, okay?” Alphys looks between them desperately, and meeting Undyne’s stare pleadingly. “O-Okay?!”

Sans gave her a thumbs-up. Undyne hesitated—which made her hesitate, too—but soon cleared her throat and nodded, even if she had to bite hard down onto her lip to keep her trap shut.

Alphys couldn’t help but clap happily and in relief, though she quickly stopped, embarrassed. Sans chuckled, but reached out and squeezed her shoulder, which made her feel a little better, at least.

At least until Sans asked for a chair for the lamp when they finally got inside.

* * *

“So how was Papyrus when you left?” Undyne asks, too stiffly to be casual and nails biting holes into the tabletop cover she was gripping just a little too tightly.

“Bummed that he couldn’t go—I kind of had to wrestle him into bed, honestly,” Sans shrugs and then laughs like it was a joke. It probably was even if Alphys just nodded absentmindedly rather than laugh along. “That, uh, was quite the workout—but you know how Paps is.”

“If he was giving ya trouble, you should’ve called,” Undyne states, huffing. “I can handle that busy _no_ body easily.”

“And give ya less time to prep for the date?” Sans asks teasingly. “You’d really risk disappointing the good ol’ doctor to take on my brotherly duties? Yeah, nah.”

Alphys nearly chokes at the same time Undyne nearly tears the entire tablecloth in half.

“Careful, there,” Sans says, and then turns to the lamp. “I swear these two are usually more dignified than this.”

“OH MY GOD?? SHUT UP?!?!” Undyne screeched, flustered beyond belief as Alphys just covered her face. “I STILL can’t believe you invited a LAMP to our gathering?! I _KNOW_ YOU HAVE OTHER _ACTUAL_ FRIENDS, SANS.”

“But then how else will I _ever_ introduce my dear pal and my bro’s best pal to the one who’s been by my side the longest save for Papyrus?” Sans asked, showing mock-offense. “So many lonely nights avoided; the light of my life...” He pauses, putting a hand on the lamp’s shade and then, without missing a beat, plucked the flashlight from its place in the bulb socket and clicked it open. “Well, it _would_ be, if I just got around to putting in batteries. Guess I’m gonna have to mean it metaphorically this time, huh?”

Alphys muffled a giggle at that. “W-Wow, really? How long have you _had_ —I mean, _known_ that Lamp, Sans? I-It’s been a while, right? I still remember when you...found it....”

“You’ve met this lamp already?” Undyne asked, quirking a brow but still sounding more curious than anything else.

“U-Uh, yeah,” Alphys rubs sheepishly at the back of her neck, laughing as she did. “S-Sans’s, uh, schedule sometimes just so happens to overlap with mine, so...”

“We were both down in the dumps when I met the metaphorical light of my life,” Sans finished. “My day really _brightened_ up. Some simply call it trashy, but I think lovers-to-be meeting in the garbage dump is becoming a classic here in the Underground.”

“O-Oh my _god_ , Sans,” Alphys snorts into her hand.

“A lot of people do meet up in the dump, huh?” Undyne muses curiously. “It certainly is the place _I’d_ go to pick up chicks.”

Alphys stiffens and reddens at that. Sans, from across the table, winks at her silently.

“What’s the saying? One person’s trash is another one’s treasure?” he asks, cheekily. Alphys swallows as Undyne laughs loudly.

“Something like that!”

“I suppose it’s because the _scale_ for trash to treasure varies person to person,” Sans goes on, humming. Then, a pause. “Huh, does that make sense?”

“Probably?” Undyne answers, even if it sounds more like a question. Her eye narrows. “Was it a joke? I couldn’t tell since your tone didn’t change.”

“Didn’t land, huh? No worries, I’ve still got a _femur_.”

“Oh my god.” Undyne’s tone was flat and almost without emotion. “Shut _up_.”

“Is that going to be enough to last the date?” Alphys couldn’t help but ask.

Sans looked thoughtful, folding his arms, humming some more.

“Well,” he shrugs, snickering. “If I really tried, I could come up with a ton more jokes, I think.”

Undyne stiffens.

Alphys nods. “Uh-huh.”

Sans winks. “A _skele_ ton more.”

Somehow, both Sans and Lamp avoid Undyne flipping the table at them.

* * *

They were surprisingly seated at another table rather than kicked out on the spot.

(If what she overheard was any indication, it probably had something to do with Mettaton. Maybe Sans spoke to him about the date after all? But that just brought up more questions.)

It unsurprisingly took a while for them to get their food even as Sans just got himself a ketchup bottle and ordered the Lamp a piece of lettuce. He should’ve ordered batteries—then again, Alphys should’ve suggested Undyne get the burger, not the steak. Watching Undyne tear into said steak was...something that had her guzzling down more water than what was probably necessary.

Weirdly enough, it was then revealed that Lamp was actually a pretty good conversationalist. While Lamp didn’t have a lot to suggest, Lamp was a pretty good listener.

“And sometimes that’s all you really need,” Sans noted, dapping at his grin with a napkin. “Though sometimes you should be careful—sometimes Lamp’s gentle coaxing is just a roundabout way of persuading you to get drunk. Or stoned. Even Lamp has a _shady_ side.”

“How the hell does that even happen?” Undyne gruffly asked, picking at her teeth. “Is it like, _logical_ -sounding coaxing?”

Sans just shrugs. Alphys eyes Lamp warily, demurely sipping at her water.

_...Shady..._

“And ANYWAY!” Undyne exclaims, pointing at him with her unused fork. Because pointing with a used one was just plain rude. “You KNOW how Papyrus feels about you getting inebriated, ya bonehead. He complains enough about that bar you frequent.”

“Grillbz is a _pub_ , ‘dyne, not a bar.” Tapping the edge of his bottle, he paused, musing, before adding, “Besides I don’t actually drink when I’m with pals. Just when I’m home. We’ve got the hard stuff—why put it to waste?”

“That stuff’s not for drinking,” Undyne huffs, to which he snickers, low and humming.

“Is _that_ what he tells you?”

“What’s **_THAT_** supposed to—?!”

“O-Oh no!” Alphys squeaked as her water went toppling over from Undyne banging her fist against the table, spilling all over her nice new dress. It was cold, awful, and she groaned, shuddering. “O-Oh nooo...”

“Oh, shit!” Undyne cursed and in the blink of an eye, she ripped a piece of the table cloth and offered it. “Oh, fuck, man—I’m so sorry, Alphys.”

“I-It’s okay, it’s okay!” Alphys yelped, waving her hands frantically at that look of absolute guilt on Undyne’s face before almost snatching the cloth away to try and dry herself off with. All the while, she laughed anxiously, “I-It’s juuust water, it’s uh, not like I-I’ll melt or anything...”

“S-Still, I mean!!” Undyne paused, swallowing as she stared before quickly averting her gaze, clearing her throat. “I-I’ll, uh,” Funny how a fish could get flushed, Sans thought. “I’ll keep myself reeled in better for the rest of this dinner.”

“ _Eyyyy_ ,” Sans said, making her immediately snap.

“Oh my god, SHUT UP.”

Alphys chortled, shaking her head. “N-No, no, it’s fine, seriously,” smiling up at her, she added, “That unrestrained passion is just what makes you who you are, I-I wouldn’t want you holding back on my account...”

“Aw jeez,” Undyne groaned, pinching at her scales where a nose would be. “Damn it, Alphys, you’re way too cool.”

“Not...really...” she mutters, trailing off as she averted her gaze.

Sans whistled, but he didn’t immediately follow that up with anything. When Alphys did glance in his direction, he just had his usual grin, albeit of a more tired variant. Said grin widened a bit when he met her stare, but something about that returning gaze made her feel like—she was missing something, perhaps? Maybe Sans was frustrated that he couldn’t make a joke.

_Yeah,_ Alphys thinks as she looks down at her soaked through dress, clinging uncomfortably to her scales. Flustered, she steals another glance at Undyne who was still, quite respectfully, keeping her stare away. _That’s probably it. He can’t make the joke._

Sans poked the Lamp’s shade, and then chuckled idly to himself. Somehow, Alphys found herself smiling too as she wiped away the water.

Even as it would almost instantly turned out she gave him too much credit.

“I’d expect better than you, Undyne,” Sans spoke up. “I was trying so hard to make sure there wouldn’t be any dampers for this dinner and you go and get Alphys wet anyway. And, sheesh,” Shooting her a sharp look, he added, almost impishly, “This is a _family_ restaurant, you know.”

Undyne twitched, and, with an impressive amount of control, she only snarled, “Shut _up_.”

To his credit, Sans kept quiet after that.

And, for whatever reason, Alphys had to stop herself from nearly bursting out laughing. She just snorted, loudly and unattractively, even though the sound died down quick when Undyne gave her a look but just as quickly, jerked her stare away.

Alphys cleared her throat instead, faltering. And she caught Sans moving his hand in some noticeable sweeps.

_Don’t worry._ He signed. She thinks. Something like that, though, if his lop-sided grin was any indication.

_Oh, Sans._ She waves her hand at him with a strained smile in return. _It’s a little late for that._

But, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel at least a little better.

Sans, somehow, was good at that.

And, well, she was happy just to be by Undyne’s side.

* * *

“Welp,” Sans uttered as he looked at the bill. “I mean, I expected this, but _yikes_.”

“I’ll give you a raise over the next few weeks,” Undyne said. “So don’t worry your skull over it, nerd.”

“That’s...incredibly generous of you, cap’n,” Sans almost gave her a look that looked _graciously_ tearful. “So you _do_ care?”

“It’s JUST because I felt bad about the table! It’s only fair!” Undyne shot back, huffy, even as she added, “Plus, uh, it’s my...thanks for inviting me out to this dinner with you and Alphys. It’s just such a shame Papyrus couldn’t make it.”

“Aren’t you forgetting someone?” Sans asked, holding out the lamp. Undyne stared at it, and then, just sighed.

“It’s _really_ a shame Papyrus couldn’t make it.”

“Ouch,” Sans muttered with a wince before pulling the lamp close, nuzzling into its shade. “So _cold_.”

“Oh my GOD, you’re such a dork,” Undyne snorts. And then she laughs. “When the hell are you going to get an actual bulb for that thing anyway?”

“Lamp will not change itself just to suit your unrealistic standards,” Sans said simply. “Lamp is perfect as it is.”

“Of _course_ it is,” Undyne muttered, rolling her eye.

“U-Um...” Alphys found herself stammering, making the two of them perk up in interest, which just made her shrink on herself even more. “I-I... I had a great time...”

“You did?!” Undyne exclaimed. “That’s—GREAT!!” Flinching at what almost seemed to be the volume of her own voice, Undyne hurried on to add, “I mean!! I’m GLAD you DID! In, uh, spite of everything—I’m really sorry, Alphys...!”

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Alphys shook her head. “I already said it was. Y-You, uh, can keep on doing you, Undyne. Please don’t ever hold back on my account.”

Undyne’s jaw clinked shut. She shuddered, and then she let out a fierce battle cry that had Alphys nearly recoil with surprise.

Before she knew it, Undyne had shouted out something like BEST REGARDS—! And, then, she just...ran off. Really, really fast.

“Man, you got her running off her steam,” Sans noted, rubbing his chin. He grinned at her. “That’s impressive—you getting Undyne all _hot and bothered_ like that.”

He quickly side-stepped her attempts of smacking him, chuckling all the while.

“But, anyway,” Sans said, swiftly and smoothly as he dodged each time she flailed at him. “I’d call that double date a success, wouldn’t you? I was really nervous myself, too—so I’m glad it went over so well, all things considered.”

Alphys huffed, still blushing furiously, and pulled her hands back. “I-I suppose.”

She paused, pursing her lips, and added, oh so quietly, “T-Thank you... Sans...”

“Think nothing of it, Alph,” he says and then, “I know you’ve just been _dying_ to _dine_ with Un _dyne_.”

“O-Oh my god,” Alphys sputtered, practically in tears as she started giggling helplessly. “J-Just! S- _SHUT UP_?!!”

“Heh, well, in that case, I’ll be heading home.” Sans adjusted how he was carrying the lamp, just a bit. “You, uh, want me shortcutting you back, first?”

“N-No, I’ll... I’ll walk...” Alphys said, shrugging. “I, uh... Y-Your shortcuts give me headaches...”

“Fair enough,” he concedes. “Then, I’ll see you later. Right, Alph?”

“B-Before you go...” she stumbles a bit, making him turn back to her right as he was turning to head off. “D-Did, you, uh...enjoy yourself? D-Don’t lie! You had to be REALLY worried about your brother the entire time—!”

“I did,” he said gently, cutting her off before she could work herself up into a tizzy. When she stared at him, his smile looked sincere, even as the shadows under his sockets looked especially dark in the low light. “I was worried, yeah, but... I’m glad I didn’t cancel. We really don’t hang out enough, Alph. Because, well, we’re both too busy.”

“Y-You can come by anytime,” she mumbles. “I... I’ll always have extra noodle cups and shows we can watch if you do... So... D-Don’t be a stranger, Sans.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sans says, cheerfully in a way that she can’t help but doubt. “Promise you won’t forget about me after Undyne confesses her _Undying_ love for you?”

Alphys nearly choked. “W-What’s THAT supposed to mean?!”

“Exactly what it means.” Sans’s smile really was the perfect poker face, never faltering, especially in the face of her weak glare. He just goes on, as calmly as ever, “Don’t worry so much, Alph.”

“Urgh... Y-You...” Flickering her gaze downwards, she took a deep breath. “D-Did, uh, did the Lamp enjoy itself, at least?”

Sans perked up, and then he nodded, chuckling.

“G-Good,” Alphys muttered. “I-I’m glad... I-I’d hate for an old pal to...not...enjoy...theirself. O-Or something.”

Sans hums in agreement.

“I... I-I’ll see you later, Sans.”

“Later,” he says, lighter and brighter, and disappears in the next blink.

_That guy really is something else._

But all the same, Alphys heads home with a spring in her step.

**Author's Note:**

> (Later, when Undyne calls Papyrus to tell him about the dinner)
> 
> “So, uh, your brother’s date...”
> 
> “Did they enjoy themselves?!”
> 
> “...He brought a LAMP, Papyrus.”
> 
> “Did it enjoy itself?!”
> 
> “...I think...so???”
> 
> “WOWIE! HOW LOVELY!”


End file.
